Pagan Monasticism 101: What I Wish I'd Known Before
by Elizabeth Vongvisith
I was a solitary Pagan monastic for several years. During that time, I learned a lot not just about myself and my gods, but also the difficulties of living a monastic life without much in the way of support or guidelines -- at least within my own religious tradition. Most of us who want to embark on this way of relating to the Powers must make do with what we have at hand, of which there isn't much. This article is presented in the hopes that my experiences might make the way a bit smoother for others coming after me.
If you're going to embark on a monastic path as a Pagan, there are some practical concerns you need to take into account before you even begin. It's probably not what you're thinking, however. I was once actually privy to a discussion where the participants spent a lot of time talking about robe colors, as if that was the most pressing thing which needed to be addressed. Here are some things to consider instead:
n What is the purpose of your practice? Will you be devoted to one god/spirit, a family of them, an entire pantheon, several from different cultures and places? How will you approach the gods -- as role models, benefactors, partners? As the Beloved(s) in a sacred marriage or similar intense devotional practice? What do you want your service (because that's what it is) as a monastic to accomplish -- not just for your own personal growth, but for the gods and spirits, for the community, for the world in general? Do you intend to take life vows or make this a layman's practice (there's nothing wrong with that, either; look up the Secular Franciscan Order for an example). There aren't any right or wrong answers to these, but you should be very clear on why you're doing this and for whom before you begin.
n How much of your mundane life is going to be compromised by your monastic pursuits? How will you support yourself -- pay the rent, feed yourself, have access to healthcare? Will you work full-time, part-time, or not at all? Who's going to do the dishes and take out the trash and clean the temple space after a ritual? Do you have family members or housemates living with you, and how will they be affected? Are you solitary or do you have a group of like-minded people to practice with -- and if so, do you intend to form a community or practice separately in your own homes for the time being? Will you be able to maintain regular devotional practice and have access to quiet space for meditation, prayer, or ritual? Is your home environment conducive to monastic life? Can you keep up with your existing responsibilities and still manage to fulfill your duties as a monastic? You need to consider all of this, too -- monastic life requires a certain dedication to routine and regular practice, instead of just doing what you feel like when you feel like it. It can be, and often is, a vocation in and of itself, rather than a title you carry and put on or take off when convenient.
n Do you have support from co-religionists, friends, resources on- and offline, or even other monastics from other traditions? If not, get yourself some or all of the above, even if you're part of a community. I cannot stress this enough -- most of us are not made of the same stuff as the early Christian desert hermits or various Hindu yogis, and so are unprepared for the toughness and loneliness of monastic practice. It helps tremendously to have people who've been where you are and who can guide and advise you, especially if you are going it alone. I was fortunate enough to live with other Pagans and to have access to a community or two of similar-minded folk, though I didn't know any other dedicated monastics. However, I also found inspiration and a certain amount of comfort in the writings of monastics from other faiths, such as Thomas Merton, Kathleen Norris, various Sufi poets, and many Buddhists, including the current Dalai Lama. Don't discount the experiences of other monks, nuns, and monastics just because they worship different gods -- under the skin, all monastics are alike in some key ways.
n What do your gods have to say about all this? Are the spirits in support of or would they object to this sort of devotional path? What do your ancestors think? Does your patron deity or deities even want this from you? It seems pointless to embark on a path of intense devotion to your Powers and the willing renunciation of certain aspects of human life in service to them, only to have them be annoyed or angry because this is not the kind of thing they expect or desire. Be sure you know how well received your monastic practice will be before you begin. Not all paths are open to everyone -- which is fine! There are many ways to kneel and kiss the ground, as a wise mystic once said.
n Why are you doing this? You need to be brutally honest with yourself. Do you want to feel more special or important? Do you think that mundane life is boring and this would make it more spiritual? Do you want to feel closer to your gods and can't think of another, less dramatic way to do it? Or…do you really want to spend your life in the quest for Certain Knowledge of the gods and their divinity? Do you want to devote yourself to the pursuit of wisdom and depth of faith? Do you want to try to know the gods as they truly are? Monasticism shouldn't be used as an escape from "real" life or as a way to feed your sense of self-importance. It's not about you. I'll say it again -- it's not about you. You have to give your ego away and lay aside all your previous measures of self-worth or "success" in order to live a fruitful monastic life. This is probably the single hardest lesson to learn on this path, and one that a lot of Pagans find incompatible with their beliefs -- the idea that humility (and possibly even self-denial) is necessary to grow and evolve as a monk or nun. They aren't wrong; again, every person, from Sabbat-feast-only layperson to ritual dedicant to lifelong priest, has a place in Pagan religion. But if you want to be a nun, monk, ascetic, hermit, etc. for shallow or self-serving reasons, you might as well just do something less demanding and more rewarding in a worldly sense. And that brings me to...
Things you can expect if you do choose this path:
n People won't get it. That's not a reason not to be a monastic, but after the 43rd time you've had someone ask, "A what?" or blink at you while saying, "But I thought only Christians had nuns," you will be heartily sick of explaining yourself. You don't have to, of course, but be prepared for most people -- even most fellow Pagans -- to not understand that yes, you really are living a life of monastic dedication to the gods, and have renounced certain things (what, exactly, depends on you) and are, in fact, serious about all this suspiciously un-Pagan-sounding stuff.
n You will be lonely. I'm willing to be that most of the folks reading this and considering a monastic path are going to be solitary, and if that's the case, be aware that while the presence of the gods is wonderful and fulfilling, still, people need other people, too. Being a solitary nun or monk can be really isolating, even if you have a community at hand or a loving family who supports your efforts 100%. This is why finding support from others -- even in book or online form -- is so important. However, even if you do this, and manage to have a network of like-minded souls and mentors to communicate with, you will still be lonely at times, because the gods do not come when called like pets, and sometimes it's going to be just you and your prayer beads and your silence. But that's where faith comes in.
n You're going to have doubts and make mistakes. That's okay. That's part of learning how to open yourself fully to the divine, my friend. Nobody lands in a monastery or a hermit's cave knowing everything there is to know, or what would be the point? You'll have to find a balance between not giving up or giving in too soon, and knowing what methods of practice do or don't work to get you closer to the gods, nearer to the Mysteries, and which will help make you one with everything, as the old hot dog/Dalai Lama joke goes (personally, I prefer plain old mustard, which is pretty ascetic, I guess). Anyway, you aren't a bad monastic or a failure if you don't do everything "right" or stumble a bit on the way. You're human, and you're going to screw up from time to time. As for having doubts, that's what faith is for -- the belief that the gods will act according to their nature, and that nature will run its course, and that you can and will find a way to align with those energies and thus deepen your connections to both. Faith is like a crumbling wall, I once wrote in a fanfic long ago, and every day you're going to struggle to climb to the top. And it's the climbing that matters most.
n You may arrive at conclusions or insights you can't speak of. This might sound farfetched in our society where, more and more, people seem obsessed with social media and letting the world know about every intimate aspect of their lives. But it's a fact. If you practice with a full heart and open mind, sooner or later you're going to experience what I have unseriously but sincerely called "having the holy." Perhaps you will have a vision, a dream, or just a sense of Knowing that cannot be shaken. It can be tiny or it can be large, and it might not happen for years and years. But whether it is glorious or terrifying or simply just right, you won't be able to talk about it. Not necessarily because it's prohibited, or because people won't do their best to understand, but because you will literally have no way to describe whatever it is you know. Without a community or a tradition to provide context, this thing called gnosis might not even make sense to you right away. But don't worry. Treasure your insight for what it is and don't try too hard to pick it apart. Monastic life has as one of its primary goals just exactly this sort of experience, where absolute understanding exists between you and that which is divine. You can't really compare these to other people's experiences in terms of value because monasticism is the opposite of an action movie -- it's all about what happens inside. If you, as many monastics have throughout the centuries, eventually do find the words and opportunity to share what you have seen, it will be a gift given from the gods to the world, through you, nothing more and nothing less.
These are the things I wish I'd heard when I began my own monastic path, as that would have saved me a considerable amount of time and trouble. I no longer regret leaving my practice behind, even though it wasn't by my own will. I value that time in my life as an irreplaceable experience that deepened my relationships with my gods. I hope this advice provides a useful starting point for thinking about monastic life as a Pagan. And if you do become a monastic, whether as a lifelong vocation or for a temporary period, I wish you the best of luck and all the blessings of your gods and spirits.